The Star Spangled FROATS


  • $ 36.00
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Forget the litmus test. The Star Spangled Boat shoes by FROATS are the real test for every meaningful relationship question in my life. Based on whether or not another person likes these patriotic paragons of American ingenuity, I know if I can: (a) trust that person not to steal my seat when I go for another beer, (b) count on that person to have my back in an argument about what sport should rightfully be called "football," and (c) expect that person to say words like "garage" rather than "car hold" or some other nonsense. Basically, that person is an American.

A wise man once wrote that "your love for your country is directly proportional to your willingness to emblazon a blue field of stars on your boat shoes." Truer words were never written.
  • Soft, Premium Leather Uppers
  • Anti-Slip Rubber Sole
  • Durable Latex Foam Insole with Pig Leather Overlay
  • Brass Eyelets / Leather Laces
  • These are men's sizing


  • You'll never be confused for Benedict Arnold.
  • It's entirely possible that you could receive an unsolicited government appointment based on footwear alone.
  • We've heard that you can use these bad boys as a passport on return flights from Bermuda and most Caribbean nations.
  • You can tell your friends to call you Uncle Sam, and they're basically obligated to do so. 

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